Slim Tuesday

Well last night was a series of disappointments. First, the UW Badgers lost a tough game at Michigan State. All Big Ten road games are tough, and the Spartans were sky high with the newly minted No.1 team in the country visiting. They had a guy who hit six three-pointers and they took us completely out of our game. At the end, we were reduced to exclusively shooting threes, which we CAN do, but it's not our forte. And it's probably the worst aspect of Alando Tucker's game (next to his free throw shooting.) So when you saw him heaving them from downtown at the end, you knew we were in trouble. And to make matters worse, ESPN had Brent Freakin' Musburger doing the broadcast. I can't stand him. Among the annoying things he does is say WIS-con-sin instead of wis-CON-sin. I know, Bob Griese saying WES-con-sin is worse, but just barely. Then half way through the game he says "Wow, WIS-con-sin is a much better team than I thought they'd be." Hey you moron, they're ranked No.1, that should tell you they're REALLY good shouldn't it? But what he was really saying was, "I've never seen this team play, but they're WIS-con-sin so I assumed they were lousy." Then he reads off his little note cards with trivia about the various players to give you the impression that he really knows these teams intimately.

So after the game Mrs. Rant and I head out to celebrate Fat Tuesday. Our first stop is my bar, which shall remain nameless (because I am there all the time.) A few guys had beads on, but we were the only ones wearing masks. They had a decent band but the crowd was small and pretty sedate. So after a couple of beers, we decided to find something a little more exciting. We headed to The Club Tavern in Middleton. Now The Club Tavern has developed a reputation for Mardi Gras. They have multiple bands and lots of beads, that you have to earn the old fashioned way. Rumour has it that the owners "salted the mine" in years past. That is, they hired "professional" flashers to insure that the guys were not disappointed. I don't know if they still do that, because I've not been able to even get in the building on Fat Tuesday and this was no exception. The line at the door (all guys) was probably 30 at 9 o'clock and they appeared to be metering them in as people left. The side streets looked like Camp Randall on a football Saturday with cars parked on lawns and every other conceivable space. There was a cop car parked on the corner and it was a traffic hassle just to drive by and turn around.

So, we tried Irish Waters just down the road. As we walked in, about ten guys were walking out in a group. One of them says, "You guys can take over now." As we came through the doors I saw what he meant. They had been the only ones there and the entire place was empty now. So we headed to Gray's Tied House in Verona. On the way there, I encountered doofi (plural for doofus) on the highway. The first idiot was in the lane next to me and aggressively trying to race ahead of me and get into my lane, which was the inside lane of two left turn lanes getting onto the beltline. The second idiot was in front of him. The arrow was red but the second idiot was anticipating it turning green as he approached. Consequently, when it didn't change, he wound up in the middle of the intersection with the cross traffic trying to get around him. That's when he threw it in reverse and slammed into idiot number one just as the light turned green. My guess is they were both drunk and now had to deal with a wreck and possibly the cops. I laughed all the way to Verona. The Tied House was a morgue as well, but after driving that far we decided to stop for one. I regretted that right away when I noticed the bartender was the same arrogant jerk I'd had before. If you've ever been there you probably know the guy I'm talking about. Think "snotty bitch." If you didn't know better you might think he owns the place. He's got an attitude and a smart mouth. His comments are actually quite snippy and hostile, but when he makes them, he follows it with a laugh that's supposed to say "I'm just kidding." Sort of like the Dwight Yokum character in "Slingblade."

Anyway, I tried to convey the idea that maybe the Club Tavern might have figured out how to cash in on Mardi Gras while these other places were missing the boat. He looked at me like I was from outer space and said something dismissive. So I tried to make the point more personal by saying "Well, no offense, but look at your place" making a sweeping gesture at the almost empty bar. Instead of acknowledging my point, he walked away in a huff. Two things are obvious here. One, Gray's does not have ownership present at that site, and some people should not be in any type of service job.