"Are Those Pecans?"

"Are those pecans?"

I'm standing in the checkout line at Sam's Club. I'm holding four, two-pound bags of pecans. You can tell they are pecans by one of two ways. First, they are in bags that are transparent on about 40% of their surface and you can plainly see the pecans. And then there is the large printed word, "pecans," that is printed on that part of the bag that is not transparent. Either way, it's not hard to tell.

They say there is no such thing as a stupid question, but if there isn't, then what is this? Ok, it's really a rhetorical question that is meant to start a conversation. But I don't know this guy, and I have no desire to start up a conversation or a relationship with somebody who I will likely never see again after our 3 minute encounter is over. So whenever somebody asks me a stupid question, I like to take about a five second pause before answering. I have an expression on my face that says, "I'm mulling over your question, not so that I can answer it accurately, but so that I can determine why you aksed something so inane." I'm hoping that during this pregnant pause, the guy will realize how stupid he sounds and then gush something like, "Of course they're pecans." But he doesn't, so I answer.

"Yeah. They're pecans."

I know he wants more, but I'm going to make him dig for it.

"That's a lot of pecans, what are you going to do with them?"

Now I admit that eight pounds is a lot of pecans, but I'm wondering if he realizes we are at Sam's Club, where any purchase involves a two year supply of whatever it is you are buying. This is where businesses go to buy in volume.

Pause.

"Gonna' make spiced pecans."

"And then what? Do you just eat them?"

I resist the urge to answer with something like, "No, I string them together and wear them like a necklace."

"Just eat 'em."

"Well you must really like pecans!"

"Yeah."

"Well, I do to, but they're expensive. How much were those?"

Pause. "Fifteen dollars a bag."

"Well, that's sixty dollars worth of pecans there!"

He can do math in his head.

"Yep, sure is."